Cold Boot — Part 4: Greige. Again.

Overhead, I heard Stinky's camera whirr as it zoomed in to take my vitals. The room was clean again (antiseptic, almost) with the clothes properly put away and the greige surfaces shimmering with a freshly polished sheen.

"Your blood pressure is elevated. As I said before, private servers can harbor malware—"

"Shove it, Stinky Pete."

The rig beside my head chimed; she answered. Voice and video only.

Anabelle's cat avatar blinked on the display. I threw the feed to Stinky's video processor, and then Anabelle was fully present in my room. Sure, I couldn't touch her, and she was still, well, a cat, but other than that she was the same old coworker.

"So."

"So when were you gonna tell me this was a fetish server?"

"I... ugh." She rubbed her shoulders as if she were a cat making biscuits. "It's not like that. I promise. You know me, Jamie. I'm not about to mess with kids."

I ignored her and went about watering my two pots of chives. It wasn't much, but it went with anything and was a nice change from the FLA-VOR-QUE packets I could get on company scrip.

"Look, I..." She sighed and then met me with a desperate look. "They're my family, Jamie. Just as much as your mom or your dad might be, they're mine.

"And... fuck." She slapped her thighs, but the fur stifled the sound. "I just made an assumption that you could use something like this, and it was probably stupid to bring you here."

"I thought maybe you'd see it and get it, you know? Not the kinks. The… the freedom. The joy. The room to breathe without someone labeling you broken.

"I'm really sorry, Jamie."

For a moment I felt my world blur. The greige gave way to colorful, neon purple sharkskin. My hands grew long and slender, and I felt a sudden rush of power, as if I could leap into the ocean and swim forever—

Oh. That's not how that's supposed to happen.

"Still there?"

"It felt so real," I whispered.

The hologram tried to wrap one fuzzy arm over my shoulder, but it just clipped through my chest. The gesture still meant something, though.

"Oh yeah, Jack runs some gnarly subroutines on the Zoo. It's more intense than what you can find on the public net."

"Why?"

She smiled and swung the camera to capture the scene going on in the universe. Someone had brought a milkshake to the bar that was turning everyone into cows, and the whole place had been wrecked in the process. Mysterious spurts of milk flew in from off-camera, and Anabelle ducked them with the easy agility of someone who'd seen things like this before.

"Because it's fun!" She leaned in, whispering. "And besides, Stinky Pete can see you blushing."

I smacked the hologram away. "Okay, okay! Fine." I looked at my hands. They still felt, well, smooth, and I let myself focus on what that could feel like. "Yes, I've read some."

"I knew it!" She pumped her fist in triumph before looking off-camera. "I think we got one!"

The room cheered. I couldn't help smiling.

"Like, once or twice (back on the old net) I'd find stories like that."

"And?"

"They made me feel things. I guess..." I shrugged. "I guess I'd forgotten what that could feel like, you know?"

"Dry spell?"

I shook my head. "Ace."

Her eyes widened, but she didn't ask any questions.

"Kat threw one of her filters on you before you logged out. What did you see in the mirror?"

I laughed, mostly at myself. "A shark," I said. "But, like, one that could breathe air. Legs, too. Looked weird."

I stared at my hands. They still felt a little… slippery. But I could move them. I imagined sliding into the cool surf and just... disappearing from the world. Nothing but clear water and no one to stop me from—

"See you soon?"

Her voice shook me back to reality. The slipperiness was gone, and I felt a heaviness in my heart. Not that I thought I was a shark at heart or anything like that. I just liked, well...

I guess I liked being different.

My eyes narrowed and I looked into the camera to show I was serious. "But you promise, no kids involved, right?"

"I promise you, friend." She crossed her heart. "Hand to God, I'd murder anyone who hurt the Kats. Especially that way."

"The Kats?"

"Long story," she said. "Doesn't matter."

I thought long and hard.

"...Okay. But why wasn't there a logout button?"

Anabelle grinned, all teeth.

"There never is. Not in the good places."